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The Curve-ball

Life has a way of telling you things you don’t want to hear. Just when you think things are starting to go the way want them to, you get hit with something that turns your world on its head. Two years ago, I had surgery on my back to correct an injury that I had incurred 28 years before. After the surgery, everything seemed fine. I went back to work and life returned to semi-normalcy.

A week and a half ago, my back started hurting again. As the days went on, the pain got worse and worse until I could barley walk. I went to the doctor, was put on pain medication and muscle relaxers, got a new MRI, and finally wen to see a pain specialist. I was given a steroid injection in my spine with the hopes that the pain would calm down enough for me to go back to work. Then came the curve-ball.

The anesthesiologist informed me that if I went back to work immediately, I would most likely need to have surgery again. Further, even after having a second surgery, I would be risking irreparable damage to my back if I continued in my current profession. The doctor recommended I take six months out of work to give my back a chance to heal.

My reason for writing this post is not to complain. I am seeing this as an opportunity. I have been called to follow my dreams many times, but have balked because of my responsibility to my family and fear of failing. It would seem life is not giving me the luxury of excuses anymore. So, I have decided to pursue my dream of becoming a professional writer in earnest. I have six months of opportunity and I will not fail. In six months, I hope to be producing and selling my work on a constant basis. I hope to be making enough money so that I will not have to return to the job that is slowly crippling me. Further, I will be doing something I love to do and being supremely successful at it.

When life throws us a curve-ball, we can choose to give up or keep swinging. Things may be difficult. Our lives may be turned upside down. We may think all hope is lost, but in reality, we are ready to launch. Our lives are all in how we look at them. We can wallow in our misery or, as my sister Red Harkonnen-Savan says, “…we can run up that mountain…”

Look at your life right now. Are you buried under and avalanche or are you soaring with the eagles? Your circumstances can change as easily as you change your mind. You just need to keep at it no matter what.

Never give up! Never surrender!


Life and Its Little Curves

Hello everyone! I see we have a bit of extra traffic of late. I want to thank those who have been liking and re-blogging the Diagnostic. I really appreciate the attention. I am not a very avid blogger, but seeing that I am being read gives me the inspiration to write a bit more for you.

Today, let’s talk about the little curve balls life likes to throw at us. In 2012, I had back surgery to correct an injury I had gotten when I was 10 years old from falling off a bed into a shelving unit. In the subsequent 28 years after that day, I had been afflicted with periodic bouts of pain that got progressively worse as time went on. Finally, in October of 2011, the pain got so bad that I went out of work for seven months.

Deciding to have the surgery was a very hard thing for me. I was afraid that I might wake up from it paralyzed or dead. I had nursed these fears the entire time leading up to the surgery and they lashed me like harpies in a classical tragedy. Once the surgery was done, however, I was glad I had been courageous enough to face my fears and end my suffering. The surgery was successful and I returned to work a couple of months later.

Fast forward to now. It is two years later and my life was starting to become orderly again. Like it had been in 2011, I finally was getting my bills under control, I was ready to file the paperwork for the bankruptcy I had been procrastinating over, I was ready to start seeking publication for my fiction writing, and my family life and relationship with my wife were at the best they had ever been at in the 17 years we had been together. I was happy and productive, but then the unexpected struck.

Out of nowhere, my back began to hurt again. It started as a minor ache which was barely an annoyance, but then got progressively worse as the days went on. I was able to make it through my shift on Wednesday night and I had hoped that I would be able to tough it out. On Thursday, however, things took a turn for the worse.  I was working on changing my machine over for a new product configuration and suddenly my back began to spasm. I pushed on for a few more minutes, but finally I had to give in and go home early from work. I spent the night and most of the following day in excruciating pain. Despite the pain, I was able to enjoy a wonderful morning with my wife at the Rbode Island Vintage Garden Show. It had been one of her dreams to go to the show and it made me very happy to help make that dream come true for her. I do not know what I would do without her, and to have the ability to give back to her in happiness was worth whatever obstacles I had to overcome.

After the garden show, we went to the treatment center. I explained to the doctor the history of my back issues and he pulled me out of work for the next week. Losing the time from work is a serious blow to both me and my wife. We barely make ends meet as it is. Losing that money is an obstacle we do not need. I am lucky that it is near the beginning of the year and I still have most of my vacation time unused. It is my hope that, as it did the last time this happened, my company will allow me to use some of my vacation time to cover the shifts I will miss.

Now, I wait. The doctor ordered an MRI, but my insurance company has to approve it before it will cover the cost. After I get the MRI, I will be seeing a pain specialist to get a cortozone shot that will hopefully alleviate the pain enough for me to return to work. The last time this happened, the shots were the only method I had not used to manage my back issues. At that time, surgery seemed the better option to permanently correct the problem despite its risks. I am optimistic that the shots will give me the pain relief I need. The alternative is something I cannot consider a possibility.

This brings me to the point of writing this blog post. The first time this happened to me, I was scared to death. In one fell swoop, my means of supporting my family, my dignity, and my life plan had all been snatched away from me. The depression and anxiety I struggle with got out of control and I threw up my hands and just went along with the ride. This caused my family no end of hardship and even though I knew these health issues were not technically my fault, I blamed myself for the effect they had on my family.

This time, however, things are different. I have a definite plan and will not accept hopelessness or defeat. Despite dealing with excruciating pain, I am optimistic and happy with the opportunities the Universe has laid before me. This week will be spent writing and spending time with my wife and family. I have finally gotten to the point that I feel confident I can get my writing published and plan to make writing my second career. Life has thrown me a major curve ball, but I am still swinging. This is my lesson from this experience and I hope it will also inspire whoever reads this to keep on swinging.

Life’s curve balls often seem insurmountable. Many people have lost everything because of them. As hard as it is to say, these obstacles are not put in our way to destroy us. They are there to help us. Strength is only built in adversity. If one wants to strengthen a muscle, it must be put under stress through exercise. These obstacles are opportunities to strengthen our character and sometimes to show us a new way to go. They are there to show us that if we persevere despite the odds, we can enjoy victory. They make us into resourceful and committed people who can accomplish anything we set our minds to. They give us the opportunity to become mighty.

My advice to anyone reading this as I bring this post to a close is this: don’t give up. No matter how bad your situation is; don’t give in. Keep fighting for your dreams until you realize them. Don’t accept “no” for an answer. Let your obstacles become opportunities, and I promise you it will be worth it. Even if these obstacles only seem to lead to more obstacles, eventually you will reach the mountaintop. You will look back and realize that no opportunity is wasted. You will look down and see the world at your feet. You will realize that you soar with the eagles.

Many Blessings! No retreat, no surrender!

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Spiritually Its Not Good To Bring A Knife To A Gunfight.

The Art of Ninzuwu

Everyone faces struggles in their life from time to time. This is part of the cycle of life. This is true, even more so for the occult scientist.

When a person is sincere about their spiritual work, they understand that it is work. The “work” is not about sitting around and exchanging “conclusions” that are often mislabeled as knowledge. The “work” is about employing and coming to an understanding of self by the use of certain methods.

Just imagine someone seeking to learn martial arts, Ninjutsu, for example. Meanwhile, during class their whole conversation is about Kung Fu. It’s easy to determine that such types are not successful in being focused, as Kung Fu and Ninjutsu are two different schools entirely. If one were to continue in such antics, they would be ineffective in a fight. It is the same with the Art of Ninzuwu.

A large reason why the…

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